I’ve thought about writing this entry for awhile, but up until now my ego’s desire to avoid feeling shame has won the internal conflict. I’ve reached a point now where my need to survive this seemingly never-ending pandemic nightmare has forced me to choose total honesty and exploring every possible solution during a time of limited options.
You’re likely aware that the provider industry has been almost entirely paused since Spring of 2020. Also, that given the fact that the government doesn’t hold this work in positive regard, that myself and many other women almost out of nowhere had our entire income wiped out, and no unemployment benefits to turn to. I also had to pause operations on my fledgling, self-funded start-up, which was a very difficult decision to make.
Things seemed to be moving in a positive direction once the vaccine arrived this Spring, and little by little the industry was coming back to normal. We made it about a quarter of the way there, then the Delta variant arrived. That has halted the industry almost entirely again during the past six weeks.
I have been doing everything in my power to stay grounded during this turbulent time; practicing self-care through fitness, meditation, etc. during these long days at home in isolation. Still, the lack of financial income is weighing heavily on me and creating unmanageable stress some days. Imagine, for a moment, spending hundreds of dollars per week on an advertisement just so something positive could happen. Then, at the end of each week when it hasn't, having regret for completely wasting scarce financial resources that could have gone to groceries or bills. It's a really awful feeling, every... single... time.
I decided to be open about where I’m at (in between the moments of sexy rendezvous documented elsewhere in my diary) and to make publicly available an offer that I’ve previously shared only privately with existing friends. Anyone who is willing to pre-pay for a session with me, to be enjoyed once life gets back to normal, I will graciously offer a 20% reduction in my listed rates as a heartfelt thank you for your assistance during this challenging time.
I previously said I was trying to avoid shame by not being transparent about my current situation. That is largely because there are men out there whose minds are simply too closed to see me as a whole human being rather than an object of sexual fantasy only. These men will be turned off by this moment of vulnerability, because I shattered their fantasy version of me. That’s a risk I will have to take at this point.
Ideally, a few kind souls with the financial means to accept my offer will show themselves and I will soon feel grateful that I put myself out there like this.
Update August 21st: It looks like the Delta variant surge is going to be creating hardship in my life for the foreseeable future. I have made some progress (thanks to a few kind souls!) but I'm still not out of the danger zone with rent arrears and other responsibilities. If this diary entry is still online it's safe to say I could benefit from more assistance and my offer to you in return still stands.